Rediscovering Self

---

So I’ve been actively running this marathon to God for about 5 years now. Early on I realized I didn’t know who I was. I had spent so many years allowing situation after situation to create alternate versions of my true self. I very quickly realized that I wasn’t who I thought I was. God took my blinders off, the planks were being removed and I was completely shocked. It was then that I decided that I needed to figure out who I was, who God wanted me to be. It was a ball of emotions frankly. I was joyful to experience the growth but I immediately knew that I in many ways lit fires as well as kept some going.

Staring this back in the face was hard! I had to face past hurts and traumas that I told everyone including myself that I had moved on from. The more I got into the word of God, the more I was convicted by everyday things I had been doing for years. Jarred does not accurately describe how I felt. It was such a feeling that I just knew it was time to deal with it. As each new conviction came I began to sit with how those things originated. We often hear parables of peeling back layers but this was like skin regeneration for my soul. Though I wept and hurt I knew both within and surface-level that God was elevating and stretching me.

At that moment I went from milk to meat.

Have you ever reached a moment where you felt like God would not have to deal with you in a particular area anymore? Well— that was how I was feeling. As each old layer of my soul (mind, will, and emotions) was peeled back it was extremely noticeable to me when a new layer had appeared. It didn’t sound like a finished work but one that was in progress. Too long I had pretended that many things had been finished, addressed, and put away however, now, the depth of my truth is palatable. Unlearning versions of myself have been quite strange, with lots of self conversation, prayer, fasting, crying, silence.

Somehow I’m more whole than I’ve ever felt…

Much of what I’m doing now were things I’d added to this ongoing, expanded list of what I felt I was incapable of, or things I’d tell myself ”I couldn’t see myself doing that“! If you could see me now! 🙌🏾

I’m learning who I am every day, God is unlocking in me new things to share not only with others but with myself. I wish not to reflect on the years I allowed the enemy to use self-sabotage to prevent me from what God had for me, instead I understand God will use those things for my good! Self-discovery is hard but who better to do it with than the one who created you? 😌

Thanks for reading my testimony, I hope you enjoyed it.

Come back soon!

Tash— 💜